The Party is Over

Today we said goodbye to Mum H.

At the service, there were about 100 people in attendance and there were quite a few people out of town and unable to attend.

All the bowlers turned up in their colours and formed a guard of honour as we left the chapel.

The eulogy was lovely and everybody learnt something new about Mum H.

The TV screen at the head of the chapel showed so many photos of her with so many different people, at parties and functions and events. There were photos of her as a young child and wedding photos. A lifetime of photos that made everybody smile.

The music was amazing .. just one song to tug at our heart strings, but the rest were upbeat happy songs that Mum used to love dancing to, and the final song to say goodbye was the old classic "Eagle Rock".

One representative from the Bowls Club was invited to the podium to say a few words on behalf of the bowlers. He spoke well and only faltered at the very end.

In my purse I had a two page written tribute that I had every intention of reading. I practiced at home and I timed myself. It was just two minutes long. I imagined myself standing at the podium, strong and confident and articulating my words clearly and precisely.

As the moment drew closer, I took some slow deep breaths. My stomach and my throat felt tight and I concentrated really hard on relaxing. Happy Harry offered to stand beside me at the podium for moral support.

My biggest concern was getting to the podium and falling apart before the first word was uttered. I am such an emotional blob of jelly in these situations!

When the bowler's tribute was over, the celebrant asked if there was anyone else who wanted to speak.

This was the moment.

I stood up and walked directly to the podium. I did it so suddenly that Happy Harry didn't have a chance to support me! I glanced briefly at all of those people sitting in the chapel. All of those people who were there to say goodbye to Mum H. All of those people who loved her and wanted this opportunity to pay their last respects.

I could feel the emotion welling inside me.

I took a deep breath.

I said to myself "You can do this. Just do it!"

I looked at my printed sheet of paper, opened my mouth and through my quivering emotional tight throat, I spoke.

Almost immediately, I felt myself losing it, but I pushed myself to keep going. My voice faltered so many times and I was terrified that I wouldn't make it to the end. I heard Adoring Husband give a little emotional cough. The last line of my tribute almost wasn't uttered ... but I made it.

I made it to the end.

The people were pleased. I received hugs of praise because my words described Mum H so well and everybody could relate. I think a lot of the hugs were sympathetic hugs because I was such a wuss!

I think Mum H would have been pleased. Her family were grateful too.

It was the best way I knew how to say goodbye and I'm glad that I pushed through the overwhelm and the emotion.

Now I am drained and exhausted but unable to wind down. It's almost 1am! Ugh.

Nite all.